so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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