I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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