I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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