I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my shit smells like andre
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
