some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
