Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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