Having a random hookup so left but love u
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
