he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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