We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
