one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
