$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
