Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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