My friends, they love my intelligence
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
