So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
