She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
