i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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