Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
