i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
