I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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