so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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