I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
