Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
