I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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