Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
