'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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