Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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