You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
