Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
did i just pee glitter
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
