Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
