I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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