Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
