I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
