I wanna bring you to show and tell
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
