We won't sleep together?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
