Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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