i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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