I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
