i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
