the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
operation harelip BJ is a go
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Blood and glitter go together right?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
