Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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