I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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