did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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