3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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