he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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