This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
