Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
