I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
