He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
