She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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