His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
