are you still at the devil's house?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
