dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You made out with two different species that night
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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