my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
